It's Okay Not To Be Okay

It's okay to not be okay is a mantra that resonates with Maryland baseball assistant coach John Poss.

There's often a stigma surrounding the importance of mental health, especially in sports. However, Poss has fought to eliminate that stigma by sharing his story and being someone his players can always open up to. Maryland baseball has emphasized mental health with its robust support system, and Poss' story is a reminder that it's okay to not be okay. 

"[It] was an eye-opening experience for me to see how many people struggle," Poss said. "I've always been more than happy to share what I've been through and what's helped me get to where I am today. I feel like I'm in the best place mental health-wise than I've ever been my entire life."

Poss, a Bowie, Md native, attended nearby DeMatha Catholic High School and was a standout student-athlete playing baseball, football and soccer. But he had a different type of love for the game of baseball. 

Poss played collegiate baseball at UMBC and Winthrop University. He went on to play professional baseball in the Frontier and Atlantic Leagues, including a stint in the Baltimore Orioles organization in 2000. 

But Poss' professional career lasted just five seasons, from 1998-2002. He was only 26 years old when it ended, and baseball was all he had. 

"Being a baseball player was kind of my identity," Poss said. "I know Coach Swope talked to these guys a lot, especially at the beginning of the year, that this is a game of failure. We're going to fail a lot more often than you're successful. If you tie your identity into that, it will be very tough."

The year before his baseball career came to an end, Poss had what he remembers as his first panic attack on Sept. 11, 2001. He didn't understand what was happening, and he later experienced depression being away from the game he loved. 

Poss wisely sought help to overcome his non-baseball life. He was diagnosed with anxiety and began regularly meeting with a therapist.  

"I just wasn't really equipped with any tools to deal with it and know what was going on," Poss said. "It's difficult when all you've done for your entire life is be an athlete."

Poss started to understand himself better. He accepted a lucrative job at Goddard Space Flight Center for NASA in Greenbelt, Md, but many of his issues lingered. Poss missed the camaraderie and team-building aspect of baseball. 

About five years had passed since Poss's final game when he received a call in 2007 asking if he was interested in returning to his alma mater, DeMatha, as an assistant coach. He didn't plan to get into coaching, but it was a convenient opportunity to return to the game he loved. 

He led DeMatha to two state championships in three years before being talked into taking the head coaching job at St. Mary's Catholic High School in Annapolis, Md. Poss led the Saints to a 123-28 record in six seasons while coaching 22 student-athletes who went on to play at the collegiate level. They also won back-to-back conference championships in 2014 and 2015.

Poss then accepted the head coaching job at Wilson College in 2019 and started going back to therapy. The school was an all-women college until 2016, and baseball was the last men's sport to be introduced. Poss was the first coach in the program's history and helped build it from the ground up. 

The Phoenix were 114-43 with Poss at the helm for six seasons, including a 41-14 conference record. More importantly, Poss began to grasp his battle with mental health at Wilson College. He says the therapy helped him develop practical tools to help his anxiety and depression before the COVID-19 pandemic hit. 

"I thank God for the timing of getting that help and being in such a different place in my life," Poss said. "Being able to deal with it and having those tools in my toolbox was huge."

Poss was hired as the assistant coach and recruiting coordinator for Maryland baseball in June 2023. He returned to Maryland and reunited with his lifelong friend, Matt Swope, the program's head coach. However, Poss encountered some challenges in his new role. 

He says trivial things often give him anxiety. One of those things was flying on an airplane. Poss was now recruiting nationally, and his job required him to travel across the country often. 

"Going into the season, I really hadn't flown in the last eight to 10 years," Poss said. "It was one of the things going into this year's position that I knew I would have to really overcome." 

Almost a year later, Poss tackles the things that make him uncomfortable. One of the tools he uses is an app called Headspace. Swope introduced Poss to the app about seven years ago, and it remains on his phone. It's a mindfulness app that takes the seriousness and intimidation out of meditation. Poss says he takes about five minutes daily to slow things down and get his breathing under control with the app. 

"I don't feel right at night when I lay my head down to shut off for the day if it had not done my Headspace," Poss said. 

The baseball team's student-athletes also use the app as an extension of the many available mental health resources. Poss credits Swope with making mental health a conversation within his program. 

"It's always been something that's been really important to me personally," Swope said. "Having lost a brother in high school and a sister to cancer, I've dealt with my fair share of anxiety and mental health situations. It's something we encourage others to talk about, recognize and embrace."

Many of the baseball team's student-athletes are familiar with Poss' story. He's made it known that his players are always welcome to speak with him about personal struggles. If they would rather talk with someone outside the team, Swope, Poss and the rest of the coaching staff encourage them to utilize outside resources. 

One of those resources is Chris Williams, the university's designated athletic mental health counselor. Williams offers mental health support to all student-athletes, including baseball team members. He meets with them weekly to discuss various mental health topics. 

Fifth-year catcher Charlie Glennon agrees with Poss that the baseball program has prioritized mental health. Glennon is involved with Mission 34, a non-profit organization that aims to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental illness through awareness, education and communication. He also says that knowing Poss' story has brought the team closer. 

"Having a leader in your life that's vulnerable with you is super powerful," Glennon said. "We all look to Poss, and he has a really good relationship with every player on this team. It allows all of us to trust him and be willing to have conversations with him that would sometimes be tough to have with a coach." 

Returning to the game Poss loves has undoubtedly helped his 20-year battle with anxiety. He still attends therapy sessions twice a month and allocates time to what he calls "preventative maintenance." 

"Not everything in life is going to be easy, whether it's sports, school, relationships or the outside world," Poss said. "We're all going to have bad days, anxieties and situations that we're uncomfortable in. Ultimately, I always go back to that phrase that it's okay not to be okay every day."