In Her Own Words: Living True To Herself

In a world where we are constantly told what we should be doing, how we should be and who we should be, I believe more than ever that authenticity is a superpower. 

It’s June, so Pride Month is in full effect. I can’t help but reflect on what this month means to me and how the pure principle of being yourself can not only be one of the most freeing acts but also one of the most courageous acts in today’s society. 

I used to not think too much about Pride Month. When I first “came out” at the end of my sophomore year in college, I remember going to my first Pride in D.C. with a couple of my teammates. I remember it feeling nice to be around other people who related, seeing the colorful rainbows all about, and just feeling this sense of freedom and relief on my chest.

I feel like the environments I grew up in were very diverse and inclusive — the Maryland field hockey program being one of them — which I realize now is quite a privilege. I think about this a lot because I've come to realize that it’s these environments that have helped shape me and allowed me to be who I want to be, not who society tells me to be.

When I first came out, I remember feeling a sense of freedom, as if something finally clicked for me. Being met with unconditional love and acceptance from my teammates and those around me was huge, as it allowed me to embrace myself in my fullness without judgment or shame.

With that background in mind, I used to think Pride Month meant lots of rainbows and celebration. But as I open my eyes, ears, mind and heart wider to the different experiences that people in our community face daily, my perspective on Pride has shifted. 

A couple of years after first coming out, I was in a long-term relationship of about four years with my partner at the time. I remember feeling so connected and safe in this relationship. However, it wasn’t all easy because the relationship was half-closeted, which made it feel like we had to live a double life at times.

Eventually, things came to an end as a result of this. In one sense, there was pressure from having to hide and stretch the truth about things on one side to stay safe from the hate, repercussions and blatant homophobia. Yet there was also this freedom to be our usual selves with support and acceptance. 

I didn’t realize how much of myself I repressed during this time. On one hand, I wanted to be supportive and patient during this process. What I didn’t realize is that patience began to override my own needs, and I started abandoning my authenticity in the process.

It wasn’t until this experience that I was opened to the challenges many people in our community face daily. The homophobia that leads people in our community to feel like they have to hide to keep themselves safe, let alone the anxiety and trauma that comes with those experiences. The repression of self that occurs when you are in environments that are non-welcoming, divisive or unaccepting, yet you still need to receive support from these environments in order to survive.

The systemic oppression and attacks our community faces as a way to keep us small, quiet, shame-ridden and let’s be frank — attempts to try and get us not to exist. The pain that is caused in the hearts of our community of those who want to express themselves authentically, and yet are judged and condemned for being themselves. The mental health struggles that people in our community face are exacerbated when resources are taken away or when we do not have access to the help and support we need. 

There’s a reason 45% of LGBTQIA+ youth consider suicide every year, according to a 2023 survey conducted by The Trevor Project. I’m a firm believer that love, acceptance, compassion and understanding go a long way in allowing others to feel SAFE, LOVED and THAT THEY BELONG ON THIS EARTH. These are things that may seem small but go a long way because when hate becomes normalized, it’s compassion that becomes not only radicalized but also a necessity.

I feel this conversation is bigger than Pride Month itself. These are humanitarian issues. Not only do we see this in our queer community but we are also seeing it play out in other groups today, which is also not right or okay. That is why Pride Month means so much more to me now than just rainbows, sparkles and parades (although I love these things and they are fabulous too). 

Pride Month is also a reminder of the experiences that our community has faced and continues to face. Not only is it a celebration of queer LIBERATION, but also a celebration of the ups and downs in each person’s JOURNEY. It’s a reminder of the obstacles we have either faced or are currently facing. 

It’s an acknowledgement of our existence and a continued fight against systemic oppression and hate. It’s a safe space for us to express ourselves authentically, connect with our fiercely passionate and loving community and embrace others, offering an opportunity to be seen fully in our skin.

The first Pride was not a parade. It was a riot, which I believe still holds true today. Queer joy is an act of resistance in itself. Our authentic expression is an act of resistance — lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, intersex, asexual, plus, people — we are here, we will continue to rise and you cannot and will not erase us. We will continue to push forward and proudly proclaim who we are. It’s not only for us, it’s also a fight for those who cannot or do not have a voice right now.

This month makes me wonder what would happen if we stripped away all the programming we have been conditioned to and allowed ourselves a blank canvas for the life we want to create for ourselves? For the people that WE want to be? Who would we all be then? What would happen if we looked and saw each other as the creatures that we are? — humans. 

We are all the same species. Sure, we come in different styles, fonts and have different authors of our conditioning, but that does not mean someone else’s existence or experience is invalid or wrong. Our differences are what make us stronger. Our differences challenge us to open our perception and engage in a more expansive way of thinking and seeing the world. This is how we grow. This is how we can open our minds and hearts to love others, even if they are different from us. 

If there’s anything that Pride Month and my queer experience continue to teach me, it's this: these conversations matter. LGBTQIA+ visibility matters. Healthy representation matters. Our queer experiences matter. And certainly, Pride Month matters. These are things that save lives because you never know how your voice, your authentic expression, and your existence can positively impact or inspire someone to have the courage to be themselves as well. 

Pride Month is a reminder to me that authenticity is your superpower, and it’s that authenticity that helps give others the permission and courage to live a life true to themselves.